How to Deal with Bullies at Work: A Therapist’s Guide for Asian Americans in NYC

In many of our communities, there’s a quiet pressure to endure hardships without complaint. We are often taught to be resilient, to not “lose face,” and to prioritize harmony above our individual struggles. While these values can build strength, they can also create a silence around painful experiences like bullying.

As a therapist, I want to create a safe space to talk about this issue, acknowledging that it is a deeply painful and real experience that no one should have to bear alone. Understanding the different types of bullying is a crucial first step toward healing and prevention.

The Overt Forms of Aggression We’re Taught to Endure

Often, when we think of bullying, we picture the most visible acts of aggression. These are frequently dismissed as “kids being kids,” but their impact is significant and can leave lasting emotional scars.

Physical Bullying:
This is the most direct form of intimidation. It includes any action that causes harm to your body or damages your belongings—things like being pushed in the hallway, having your lunch money stolen, or finding your books deliberately ruined.

In cultures that emphasize stoicism, the pressure to not show weakness can make it incredibly difficult to speak up about physical attacks. You might feel a sense of shame or believe you need to handle it on your own to avoid bringing dishonor to your family.

Verbal Bullying:
Words can carry immense weight, and verbal attacks are designed to chip away at your self-worth. This isn’t just simple name-calling; it can be cruel jokes about your accent, taunts about the food you bring for lunch, or insults directed at your family’s background.

This form of harmful behavior is particularly insidious because it often happens in moments when no authority figures are around, leaving you feeling isolated with the hurtful words echoing in your mind.

The Subtle Wounds That Are Harder to See

Beyond the obvious physical and verbal attacks are more covert forms of aggression that can be just as, if not more, damaging. These often play on social dynamics and the deep-seated human need to belong. It’s important to recognize these subtle types of bullying to fully grasp the scope of the issue.

Social or Relational Bullying:
This form of harm is about dismantling your social connections and sense of belonging. It’s the experience of being intentionally excluded from a study group, being the subject of malicious gossip that spreads through your community, or being given the silent treatment by people you thought were your friends.

For many in collectivistic cultures, where community and group harmony are paramount, this social exclusion can feel like a profound and devastating rejection.

Cyberbullying:
In our hyper-connected world, bullying has found a new, relentless platform. Cyberbullying uses technology—social media, messaging apps, online forums—to inflict harm.

This can look like posting embarrassing photos of you, creating fake profiles to spread rumors, or sending a flood of hateful messages. The anonymity of the internet can embolden perpetrators, and the 24/7 nature of online life means there is often no escape.